Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
