Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
