Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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