she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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