oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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