I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
