I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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