So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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