I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
