I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
