He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I still have a little drunk in my system
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
