Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
as a side note pls kill me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
