You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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