Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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