awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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