well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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