He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
