My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
