What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
