where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
