go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
