You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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