i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
