grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This baby is an asshole
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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