I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
