I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
