people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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