Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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