eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
