Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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