Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
