I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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