FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
