there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
