I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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