Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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