Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
