You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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