is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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