i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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