While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
