Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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