I feel like abortions should bother me more
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
