I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
