He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
