We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
