Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
