The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
