i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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