it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are we still banned from the library?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
