Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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