I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
