I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
