"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
