I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
